Why Men Should Not Be Ordained

A little tongue-in-cheek humor from the late, great David Scholer. (Inspired by a recent FB repost from Ben C.)

Ten reasons why men should not be ordained:

10. A man’s place is in the army.

9. For men who have children, their duties might distract them from the responsibility of being a parent.

8. Their physical build indicates that men are most suited to tasks such as chopping down trees and wrestling mountain lions. It would be “unnatural” for them to do other forms of work.

7. Man was created before woman, obviously as a prototype. Thus, they represent an experiment, rather than the crowing achievement of creation.

6. Men are too emotional to be priests or pastors. Their conduct at football games shows this.

5. Some men are handsome; thus they will distract women worshipers.

4. To be ordained as a pastor is to nurture the congregation. But this is not a traditional male role. Rather, throughout history, women have been considered to be not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more fervently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.

3. Men are overly prone to violence. No really manly man wants to settle disputes otherwise than by fighting about it. Thus, they would be poor role models, as well as being dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.

2. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep paths, repair the church roof, and maybe even lead the singing on Father’s Day. By confining themselves to the traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the Church.

1. In the New Testament account, the person who betrayed Jesus was a man. Thus, his lack of faith and ensuing punishment stands as a symbol of the subordinated position that all men should take.

Rest in peace, David. Thanks for the wisdom and for the laughs.

Justin

Hong Kong | London | California | Washington, DC Christian | Theologian | Musician | Activist | Sojourner

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