Justin Fung a.k.a. gershom's journal

6Mar/120

Rest in peace, dear friend

This morning, I woke to a text informing me that one of my closest friends from university passed away yesterday morning.

Ashley was one of the first people I ever met at University College London when we both started studying law in 2000. We also lived in the same dorms in Camden Town, and we became good friends. And over the years, though he went on to practice law and I didn't, though I moved to the US and he stayed in Europe, we made sure to touch base once in a while, just to check in.

Last year, we were finally catching up on a long-overdue chat, and he shared with me that he'd been battling a brain tumor for the better part of the last decade, beginning shortly after we graduated in 2003. He hadn't really told very many people. He said didn't want to be a burden on people; he didn't want people to feel sorry for him or to treat him any differently just because he was sick.

We spoke in November. He had just gone through a particularly difficult episode and was back recovering in hospital. His sister Shardi served as our translator because he was on morphine to fight the intense pain. He expressed his gratitude that we were able to talk. I told him not to strain himself, that we'd talk again when he was better, that I'd see him next time I was in the UK, or he could come visit me in DC. He said he'd always wanted to come to DC.

That was the last time we talked.

I'll always remember Ash as the life and soul of the party, always full of energy. To some he was brash and in-your-face; to others he was confident and self-assured. To some he was obstinate and hard-headed; to others he was a man of conviction. I knew him as fiercely, fiercely loyal--you always knew that Ash had your back. I remember that one of his favorite songs was Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise," that he knew the words back to front and inside out and had no problem rapping it in your face. I remember him getting our gang into and then out of trouble. You could never accuse him of not living life.

Over the years, we had several conversations about faith. Ash never adhered to a certain religion, though he always expressed his support for my faith. In one conversation this last year, he said, "I just think it's great when someone believes something and then actually lives it out." He was about as excited for me becoming a pastor and getting ordained as anyone--even more so than many of my Christian friends. He followed my email updates and even listened to my sermons on occasion. We even got to pray together during one of our conversations last year.

Somehow--I don't know how--I hope and pray that I get to see him someday. The world has lost a colorful character, someone who took his knocks in life and learned many, many lessons, someone who mellowed out and grew up. Someone I call friend.

Ash, buddy, I miss you already. Rest in peace, dear friend.

Now cracks a noble heart. Good-night, sweet prince;
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

Horatio (Hamlet, V.ii)

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28Feb/120

Go about your business

[Adapted from this week's sermon: "Have a Little Faith."]

I’ll be honest: for most of my life, I’ve interacted with God in much the same way that Daniel does in chapter 12, verse 8:

I heard but could not understand; so I said, ‘My lord, what shall be the outcome of these things?’

Have you ever felt like that? “I could not understand.” Maybe you don’t know why you’re even in the place you are—literally or figurative; relationally, spiritually, emotionally, mentally. Maybe you don’t know where you’re going next. Maybe you don’t even think you’re still on the map!

A little bit of context for these verses: this is the end of the story of Daniel—at least what’s told in the Bible. This passage comes after several chapters of visions and dreams and prophecies that are hard to understand. God reveals them to Daniel, yet they concern social, political, historical events that will happen hundreds of years after Daniel’s death.

So understandably, his response is: “I don’t understand; can you explain it to me?”

Sometimes we like to think that if we only knew more, we’d be able to live life better.

If only I knew what school I’m getting into; or what I'm going to major in; or what job I'm going to get (or that I'm going to get a job!); or who I'm going to marry (or that I'm going to get married!). If I only knew that my kids would turn out okay; if I only knew that I’d be looked after when I’m old. If only ... If only I knew, God, what you have planned for me, that would make things so much easier. God, just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. Show me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it.

Really?

If you’d told me in 1999, when I was at boarding school in Surrey, England, applying to go to university in London to study law, that twelve years later, I’d be working at a church in Washington, D.C., I would laugh at you. If you told me in 2004, when I was studying music and playing in a rock band, that I would end up preaching more than performing, I would think you’re crazy. If you told me even a few years ago, when I was immersed in the world of politics and advocacy, that God wanted me to be a pastor ...

If you’d told me that my path would include leaving good friends—best friends—and family behind while I moved across oceans and countries, that it would mean seeing my nieces and nephews only once every few years because we all live in different places, that it would mean almost getting married … and then not, and then enduring several relationships that would be better characterized as “false starts,” that it would mean deep feelings of rootlessness, struggling through the issue of my own self-worth, and learning many, many lessons the hard way, I’d say, “Thanks, but no, thanks. God, would you mind designing something a little less tortuous, something a little cleaner, something a little more to my preference?”

On the journey of life, we all come up against things in life as Daniel did at the end of his--things that we just can’t get our minds around, things we just don’t get--and we say as Daniel did, “I don’t understand. God, what shall be the outcome of all this?”

Sometimes, God tells us; sometimes, we get an explanation. Sometimes things are revealed to us; sometimes we catch a glimpse of what God is doing.

But more often than not, we get the response that God gives Daniel. This is how Eugene Peterson translates it in the Message, from verses 9 and 13:

Go on about your business, Daniel. … Go about your business without fretting or worrying. Relax. When it's all over, you will be on your feet to receive your reward.

And we can imagine Daniel's response (as ours often is): “You didn’t answer the question. You didn’t tell me what I wanted to know. You haven’t told me what to do.”

But that's where the book ends--with God's answer.

Throughout the story, even leading up to this moment, we've seen Daniel “going about his business.” And that doesn’t mean living however he pleases, with no reference to God. That means living according to what he does know, what has been revealed, and with what understanding he does have.

In doing this, Daniel shows us what it means to have faith. He doesn’t have to know it all before acting. He doesn’t have to have the assurance that things are going to work out how he thinks they ought to work out. He trusts.

You see, the point that Jesus is actually making is this, and I said this a few weeks ago, but it bears restating: it's not about how hard you try, it’s not about how much faith you’re eking out; what’s important isn’t the size of your faith, it’s the God in whom you have faith.

Have faith in God, just a little bit. Trust in him, just a little bit. Put your life in his hands, just a little bit. And see what happens.

Because God has given us plenty to go on already. We are very capable of “going about our business” as Daniel did; God’s given us much of what we already need. Listen to this:

  • Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. (Deuteronomy 6:5)
  • Love your neighbor as yourself. (Leviticus 19:18)
  • Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. (Matthew 5:44)
  • Seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8)
  • Preach and live out the good news of Jesus Christ, make disciples of all nations, teaching them to do as Christ commands. (Matthew 28:19-20)
  • Be holy as your heavenly Father is holy. (Leviticus 11:44; 1 Peter 1:15-16)
  • Pray to your heavenly Father that his kingdom would come and his will would be done on earth as it is in heaven. (Matthew 6:9-10)

That’s all in the Bible already, and if we think about the implications of each of these, that’s plenty to get on with. If we even sought to live out one of these fully, we’d begin to see how much God has already said to us.

God has already shown us and given us his grace and his peace and his love in the person and life of Jesus Christ, and he says, “I will be with you. I will never leave you nor forsake you. And I give you my Spirit.” And as the Apostle Paul reminds the church in Rome, this is “the same Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead [who] lives in you.”

The same Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you.

When you begin to grasp that, when you begin to tap into the truth of that, when you begin to get your sin and self and pride out of the way and truly let the Spirit live and speak and love through you, your life will somehow seem fuller, more exciting, more pregnant with possibilities.

Elton Trueblood, former chaplain at both Harvard and Stanford, said, “The deepest conviction of the Christian is that Christ was not wrong.” And John Ortberg writes, “At its core, faith is trusting a person.”

Trust that Jesus means what he says:

If you have just a little bit of faith in me—just a mustard seed’s worth—even when you don’t understand, even when you’re questioning what’s going on, even when you can’t see the whole picture, even then, you will say to this mountain, move from here to there, and it will be so, and nothing will be impossible for you.

Don’t let your fear of the unknown, your clinging to the concept of certainty, your confusion in the midst of chaos, keep you from living life to the full, from loving God and loving people with everything you’ve got. God has things in store that we can’t even imagine, a story so grand that we can’t even conceive.

So … go about your business. And have a little faith.

27Feb/120

Come see Hong Kong

Welcome to the city where I grew up. Such good memories.

I haven't been back in a few years (2007, in fact; pic below). Might be time to plan a trip!

14Feb/121

My Valentine’s Day History, a.k.a. A Few Thoughts on Love

For some, Valentine's Day is a day to treasure, a day to celebrate, a day to spend time and money on a loved one.

For others, Valentine's Day is a day to forget, a day to despise, "Singles Awareness Day."

For me, how I reacted to Valentine's Day used to depend on my relationship status: if I was dating someone, I couldn't wait for it; if I wasn't, I'd much rather we jumped from February 13 to 15 and skip the day altogether. One year a long time ago, I actually broke up with someone on Valentine's Day, which was not only extremely poor form but also combined the two reactions in one.

Since then, Valentine's Days have included (in no particular order):

  • Going snowboarding for the first time with a bunch of friends.
  • Being sick in bed all day.
  • Babysitting my friends' adorable kids so my friends could go out for dinner.
  • Going on a phenomenal date.
  • Being in an evening class for grad school.
  • Staying in and watching the primary election results.

Some have been spent with a girl, some have been spent with friends, and some have been spent alone. Some have been awesome; some have been decent; being sick just made the day a non-event.

And over the years, I've come to see the day as ... well, any other day. What began the shift in my perspective was the realization that my relationship status was not the definitive characteristic of my life. It was then that I was able to let go of the idea that I just needed the right person to come along and make everything better and be the perfect date, and was subsequently able to better embrace life, to take hold of opportunities to love more boldly and more fully. And, I suppose, also to begin to understand the concept of love a little better.

Growing up, my dad used to say that people don't just "fall in love," as if they have no choice in the matter; and when I was young, I had no idea what that meant. "But I feel this way about this person; I'm crazy about her; whenever I see her I get goosebumps, and my heart skips a beat, and ... and ...," I'd protest. Our culture tells us that love is only a feeling, an emotion, a chemical reaction. As C.S. Lewis writes:

Another notion we get from novels and plays is that "falling in love" is something quite irresistible; something that just happens to one, like measles. And because they believe this, some married people throw up the sponge and give in when they find themselves attracted by a new acquaintance. … But is it not very largely in our own choice whether this love shall, or shall not, turn into what we call "being in love"? No doubt, if our minds are full of novels and plays and sentimental songs, and our bodies full of alcohol, we shall turn any love we feel into that kind of love: just as if you have a rut in your path, all the rainwater will run into that run, and if you wear blue spectacles, everything you see will turn blue. But that will be our own fault. (Mere Christianity, Book III, Chapter 6.)

Love--biblically understood--is something different, something much more. If the two greatest commandments in Scripture are "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength" and "Love your neighbor," then Tim Keller makes a good point when he observes, "Emotions can't be commanded, only actions" (The Meaning of Marriage, 103). If God is love, then we know that love involves sacrifice, it involves rescue, it involves putting everything on the line for the good and well-being of the object of your love: "For God loved the world in this way: he gave his only Son so that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life" (John 3:16) and "There is no greater love than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13).

Love is more than just emotions, more than just chemistry, more than just buying chocolates and flowers, more than just making dinner for a loved one--though it may involve all of those things in the context of a romantic relationship.

For many of us, though, we need to relearn what love is, as defined by God--what love really means, what love really looks like, what love really feels like. Loving God may mean having to let go of something very dear to you that stands between you and God. Loving your neighbor may mean putting their good before your own in a way that is not the culture-prescribed method of doing things. But in doing these things, we learn a better way--maybe not better in the eyes of the world, but better in the eyes of God and better in the way that we were created to be. In doing these things, we behave--and more importantly, become--more like Jesus.

It's risky and it's dangerous--in the context of romantic relationships in particular, we all know how hard it is to be vulnerable or to commit to something or to let someone in or to be hurt by someone--but the alternative of not loving is far worse.

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. (C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, 123.)

9Feb/122

Welcome to the bigs, Jeremy Lin


If you're not Asian (American), not into professional basketball, or don't have a number of Facebook-active Asian-American friends, you probably haven't heard about Jeremy Lin.

If you are Asian (American), into professional basketball, or have a number of Facebook-active Asian-American friends, there's a high probability that you haven't heard about anything but Jeremy Lin.

J-Lin is the newly-minted starting point guard for the New York Knicks, the first American player in the NBA of Chinese or Taiwanese descent, and has been catapulted into the national spotlight with three assured performances for the struggling Knicks, leading them to guarantee his contract earlier this week.

What a journey for Lin. (You can read more of his story via the Wiki link above or here.)

And while I'm still rooting for Kevin Durant and the Oklahoma City Thunder (on account of my Seattle love bleeding over), I'm starting to check the scores every time the Knicks play.

First and foremost, Lin's a legit baller. But beyond that, he's an Asian American breaking new ground, an InterVarsity alum, and unapologetic Christian. And for all of those reasons, I want to see him succeed.

He's also stirred up some thoughts about race and culture among many of my friends, and I'll be sharing some of those in the coming weeks. But for now ... get caught up on #Linsanity by reading some of these Lin-ks (see what I did there?!):

A Day in the Life:

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