Tag Archive for dating

Keeping healthy

1 August, 2011 movies, music, other people's words, personal No comments

It’s been awhile since I’ve made time for things that give me life, that aren’t necessarily ‘productive’ but are highly conducive to my spiritual, mental and emotional health–things as simple as reading a book, or going to see a movie, or discovering new music. I realized that I needed to build a little more of that into my schedule, and with the extra time afforded me by my sports injuries (from which I’m recovering), I’ve been able to indulge a little.

Books

Between Two Worlds, John W. Stott. A great and classic resource on preaching; insightful and wise. Stott’s been a spiritual mentor of mine and a favorite theologian, and when I read books of his like this one, I feel his passing all the more keenly.

Kissing Outside the Lines, Diane Farr. A funny, touching and insightful look at inter-racial relationships, sparked by an encounter between a Korean-American named Seung and Farr (a well-known actress). I guess it sort of validated a lot of the thoughts and feelings I’d had about inter-racial relationships, including ones that I’d been in.

LeadershipNext, Eddie Gibbs. Examining what leadership–particularly in the church–looks like as we launch into the 21st century. Gibbs is a professor at Fuller Seminary, and has been involved with a number of emerging church movements. In reading this, I was glad to see that we at The District Church are already living out a lot of the things he said would be needed to thrive.

A Game of Thrones, George R.R. Martin. I’m re-reading this fantastic work of fiction in light of the HBO series whose first season just finished, and also the latest installment, “A Dance with Dragons,” that just came out. When I first read this, years ago, I couldn’t handle it. The bad guys weren’t clear; the good guys weren’t clear; I didn’t know who I was supposed to root for. But reading it again last year, having the benefit of a few years of age, wisdom and maybe a dose of realism, I was able to appreciate that there aren’t easy answers, it isn’t a black-and-white world, and that not everyone you care about lives to see the happy ending. A fantasy-fiction series for a post-modern world.

Movies

Captain America: The First Avenger.

A riproaring adventure, a fun comic book adaptation, an enjoyable ride. Definitely, definitely, definitely had its cheesy, “ra-ra America” moments (a.k.a. Team America moments), but on the whole, I had fun. Chris Evans did a great job as Cap, Tommy Lee Jones was hilarious–as usual when he’s trying to be, e.g. Men in Black–and it set the scene well for next summer’s blockbuster adventure, The Avengers, which you get a preview of at the end of the credits–so exciting!!

Cowboys & Aliens.

Cowboys? Cool. Aliens? Cool. Combined? A boy’s dream. Lots of shooting and explosions, two generations of leading men (Harrison Ford–sorry, dude–and Daniel Craig), and Olivia Wilde? Entertainment. I’m not going to dissect this, or talk about postcolonialism, or even how it could’ve been a better movie. It was a good and fun and entertaining enough for me! Thanks to Jon Favreau, who’s really showing his directing chops–with this, the Iron Man movies, and Elf, the guy’s got some talent.

Crazy, Stupid, Love.

Definitely one of my favorite movies of the year. In the story of a middle-aged man whose life falls apart around him, Steve Carell, Julianne Moore, Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone light up a fantastic script–at turns heartwarming, gut-wrenching, painful, hilarious, sad, frustrating, and laugh-out-loud funny. Kevin Bacon and Marisa Tomei provide some stellar support, and welcome to the big screen, Analeigh Tipton! I went on the basis of my friends’ recommendations, and I’m telling you now: go see it.

Music

Zonoscope, Cut Copy. Fun indie, electronic music. Thanks to JY for the recommendation.

Bon Iver, Bon Iver. All my friends (hipster and otherwise) had been raving about this. And it’s warranted. My first taste of Bon Iver’s music, and it’s a good one.

10,000 Reasons, Matt Redman. The latest offering from a Christian music stalwart, Matt continues to write songs that speak for a new generation. Love the guy’s heart.

Strip Me, Natasha Bedingfield. This actually came out last year, but I only got it this summer. Natasha’s always got a way of making me smile with her music. So much love for her.

Wanting someone else, part 3: the finale

2 August, 2008 writing One comment

Welcome to the final part of this unintentional trilogy, in which I will, hopefully, tie up some loose ends.

After the first two parts, I got various comments and questions about whether I might be putting too much weight on the romantic relationship. The answer is probably yes; and the reason is probably because I’m writing from a certain context, which I’ll mention briefly at the end. Suffice it to say, I don’t think that a romantic relationship is the be-all and end-all of human life, by any means; there’s only one relationship that is, and it’s the one that will (or at least, ought to) count the most in every aspect of life—the relationship with Jesus Christ.

Moreover, there are other relationships that are very important to life, and in which God can be—and is—revealed: good relationships where one is loved and supported, counseled and guided, taught and prepared, made to know that he or she is safe within a community. And these can come in various forms. To name a few: friendships, family, church, and work. (There are more, I’m sure; but I can’t think of any more right now.)

And so, to my context. Obviously, everyone writes from a certain perspective, and I’m writing from mine. Even when I try to write a generally-applicable blog, it comes out in the way that I write, the things that I mention, etc. Contrary to the impression that some may have gotten from the first two parts of this blog, I’m actually really happy being single. I’m in a great community of friends (students and profs) here at Fuller, part of a church I love, close to and able to see family when available, well-cared for and well-loved. On the other hand, I’m a couple months clear of the skein of an almost-relationship that began with all of the promise of the Mariners’ “AL West championship run season” and imploded with just as much unexpected bewilderment; and I think this frustration comes out a little when I write. Still, I’m out of it, able to see the good that God did through those difficult few months, and back to being happy (finally!).

In conclusion, my intention in beginning this series (which actually didn’t begin as a series but developed through dialog) was not to extol the romantic relationship—our culture does that enough for us—but merely to touch upon one aspect of life that I continue to hold in tension, and something that I don’t think the church in general addresses well enough or often enough. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and opinions, helping me hammer out some thoughts on a difficult topic. Feel free to continue inputting; I’d say that there’s a 99% chance that I’ll write about relationships again. :)

Wanting someone else, part 2

17 July, 2008 writing No comments

Here’s my little follow-up to some responses to “Wanting someone else.” A few points to clarify:

Actually, I’m gonna let Walter Brueggemann (theologian) do some talking first: “Sexuality is good and is ordained by God as part of creation. … Sexual identity is part of creation, but it is not part of the creator. Sexuality, sexual identity, and sexual function belong not to God’s person but to God’s will for creation. … Sexuality is ordained by God, but it does not characterize God. It belongs to the goodness God intends for creation” (Genesis, 33-34).

So I’m not saying that sexuality and our identity as single people are as essential to our being or image as culture pushes on us. But here’s something I’m wrestling with: on the one hand, Jesus—“in whom the fullness of God dwelled”—was single for his entire life and ministry. But that’s not to say that he didn’t necessarily feel the same wants and desires that we do—perhaps including the one for a partner. (Perhaps not; some may not agree with that position theologically.)

Perhaps it was that his understanding of his Father’s love for him was enough. His understanding of his place in God’s story was enough. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t ‘with someone’ like culture told him he should be because he knew whose opinion mattered. Perhaps if I was in a more content relationship with God, it wouldn’t matter as much; perhaps if I was concerned with the one opinion that counted, it wouldn’t matter as much.

The bottom line is: I have community; I have accountability; I have people to laugh with and cry with and pray with and live life with; I have people who are seeking to do the same things that I am; I know that I am loved. And I know a lot of single friends who are in this same place. The one thing that we do not have, that we cannot achieve or attain, is to be wanted.

And for us, that is the one thing that continues to hold tension …

[The ellipsis is symbolic of the tension. :) ]

Wanting someone else

14 July, 2008 writing One comment

Last year, I met a girl who I thought I was going to marry. Seriously, when I talked to my accountability group about her, they hadn’t seen me so excited about someone since … well, ever. She was beautiful and fun and loved God. The first time I saw her, I was smitten. Yeah, ‘smitten’ is the right word.

One year later, I’m not married. Not engaged. Not even dating. So my sense was probably off by a little bit. :)

On a more serious note …

Over the last year, I’ve been talking with various friends about what it means to be a single Christian, living the full life that Christ came to give us. What does it mean to be a single, sexual being? Sensuality and sexuality are part of what it means to be human, to be stimulated by touch, taste, smell, sound and sight. So what happens when there is no one to give that kiss or embrace, no one to pull close, whose smell you can inhale and feel like you’re home? Being is communion, writes one theologian. If God was not in communal relationship, he argues, he would not be, so integral to his nature is this concept of communion. So what about us, created in his image, when we do not have such communion?

One song asks: “Who doesn’t long for someone to hold, who knows how to love you without being told?”

Many of my friends are now married, and they have other concerns and issues to deal with. Responsibilities only seem to mount as we roll through this thing called life. I realize marriage and/or relationship isn’t the Promised Land. But it can sometimes seem like it, not just because it’s what the church pushes (consciously or not); but because everyone wants to be loved. Everyone longs to be special to someone else, to mean enough to that person that they’re at least near the center of that person’s world. I hope I’m not over-generalizing or over-emphasizing the human want/need for love. I don’t think I am, but I realize all the while that I write from my limited, single perspective.

I’ve heard people say that unless you’re content being single, you won’t be content when you’re married; or that you should have all of your desires met in God because that would be too much for another person to carry. And there’s some truth in such statements. But I can’t agree with them completely.

You see, if you notice in Genesis 2, even before what’s become known as “The Fall,” there existed a need for something other than, or in addition to, God. When God created the man, he said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” The man, who enjoyed unbroken communion with God and with nature was still alone. There was a need for companionship, relationship, with someone like him.

It was a need that God didn’t meet straight away. After saying this, God brought the animals and birds to the man to name them; but none of them was a suitable partner for him. And I’d assume this took a while; who knows how long it took? The point is, there was a delayed response to need.

It took long enough so that when God did create the woman, the man’s response was one of true value and appreciation: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!” It was because of the conflict brought on by unfulfilled need, the waiting and wanting, that he was able to truly value what he had been given. As Donald Miller puts it, “God directed Adam’s steps so that when He created Eve, Adam would have the utmost appreciation, respect, and gratitude” (Searching for God Knows What, 65). The point is: what we want that we can’t have plays a part in making us who we are. What we do in response to these wants impacts how our faith and how our character matures. God has embedded in us desires that he wants us to do something about. (Now, not all of our desires come from God, but that’s a whole other blog.)

In the specific case of relationships, it’s okay to want one as long as this doesn’t become the driving motivation of our lives. We do have to be prepared to accept that we might not get it right away, or even at all, but it’s okay to want it. It can lead us to prayer and a better relationship with our Father. And hopefully it will.

More on relationships coming …