This weekend was a doozy

After the busiest month in recent memory—including Lazarus Sunday, preaching two weeks in a row, Easter weekend, leading worship, performing at a coffee shop, and more—I was given most of the week off from church duties. So I didn’t have to lead any of our Leadership Community’s organizing training, nor did I really have to do anything in the service this morning.

And yet this weekend was a doozy. I felt uncentered, my mind was all over the place, my spirit was unsettled, and my thoughts and emotions were out of control. For a couple of days, it was as if I’d entered a completely different existence.

Taking the time to think and pray about it, I realized that my busyness had replaced my centeredness. Doing things for God had replaced living life with God. I had come to a place where I was operating out of a desire to stay occupied than out of a deep grounding in the love and presence of God.

And so when a couple of occurrences this week sought to push me off course, it was never going to end well.

But this—I suppose you could call it a ‘crisis’ event—was, I think, providential in that it prodded me to a point of realization and recognition. I came to see that there were healthier and more intentional decisions that need to be made in order to set up a more beneficial and God-centered way of living. I came to realize that I needed to spend some quality time reconnecting with God and recentering my life on him.

I spent much of this evening with a baby in my arms. For much of the night, I held Natalie, walking in circles around the kitchen, rocking her back and forth until she finally stopped fussing, closed her eyes, and fell asleep. And as I wore a groove into the tiles with my pacing, I prayed, reconnected with my Father, and was brought back to the path I’d so easily wandered from.

Like I said, this weekend was a doozy.

What an eventful day

Today:

  • Woke up at 3:45am to take N&L to Reagan/National Airport. They discovered their car had a flat tire. I drove them in A&A’s car.
  • On the way back, missed the 395 N turning. Drove a little way into VA with the fuel light glaring at me before finally making my way to a gas station, then home and falling (eventually) back to sleep. Slumbered fitfully with the yammering and hammering of E going on in the background from 7ish onwards.
  • Got the car tire fixed; booked a tattoo appointment for this weekend; got home; did some work; ate delicious leftovers for lunch; entertained E until A&A got home.
  • Met up with K, who was in town from California for an interview, for a quick chat at the Logan Circle Caribou.
  • Drove to the intern house to pick up  dinner for A&A; waited for Simps to get home. Picked up food; came out to car; slipped on ice with food in hands, which meant I had no hands to break my fall. Broke it with my back instead; better than my head. Winded and jarred, but fortunately nothing worse—feeling a little sore now, though!
  • Dropped off food; headed to GWU for Pulitzer Center/Human Rights Watch event on the Lord’s Resistance Army. Traffic was moving at a snail’s pace; eventually found parking but I was late so didn’t think straight—I didn’t put any money in the meter!
  • The event was good and interesting—predominantly from the journalistic perspective, which was a different one to hear from. Check out Pulitzer Center and Human Rights Watch.
  • Came back to the car to drop off I&J at Union Station; found the parking ticket. Told them about my date.
  • Back home to pack up my stuff and shift things over to the place I’m house-sitting.
  • Done by midnight.

Time for bed. What an eventful day.

Learning to live with mess

A reminder as we head into the new year:

… I realize I just need to learn how to embrace chaos better, because movements of God are marked by chaos. They are not systematic and orderly and clean. Why? Because movements of God are fundamentally movements about love, and there’s very little that’s predictable and orderly and clean about love.

Love is messy.

Love is chaotic.

Love is foolish.

Love is perilous.

Love is, as a song by Sleeping at Last says, tension and thrill.

You cannot put a box around a movement of God. You cannot expect everything to add up and be able to say the outcome is guaranteed. It’s probably not going to make sense.

Dave Gibbons, The Monkey and the Fish, 184-185